Trent’anni sono un’età veramente critica e io sto quasi per avviarmi ai 31. Dopo aver scoperto che ho superato il numero di fidanzati consigliati per riuscire ancora a trovare marito come spiegato in questo film assolutamente deprimente, beh, uno comincia a porsi delle domande, no? E gli americani sono sempre stra-avanti e hanno un test per tutto.
Oggi, mi sono cimentata in questa vaccata micidiale, che stento a ritenere utile, però… vista la situazione, tentar non nuoce e un po’ di auto-analisi non fa mai male. Allora, questo sito, come tanti altri, per carità, afferma di avere la ricetta per farti trovare l’anima gemella. A me è piaciuto più che altro perché non ti fanno pagare da subito, prima ti “testano” e ti danno il risultato, poi decidi tu se vuoi usare il loro sito di incontri che… non utilizzerò mai, sia chiaro.
A dirla tutta il mio interesse puramente accademico per i siti di incontri è nato da una pubblicità di meetic che passa in Francia. Sono stata letteralmente “catturata” da questa pubblicità che sta spopolando, o meglio io la trovo geniale! Un’evoluzione proprio nella promozione dei siti di incontri online. Guardare per credere:
Bisogna dire che i francesi sono i più grandi utilizzatori di siti di incontri (tant’è vero che hanno inventato il concept di onvasortir.com, un vero toccasana per la vita sociale, lo consiglio a tutti!) e quindi, probabilmente, è normale che la pubblicità sia molto più accattivante in Francia di quello che è in Italia. Sì, infatti, perché, stranamente, meetic ha deciso di utilizzare due campagne diverse nei due Paesi (smentitemi se mi sbaglio, ma io la versione italiana dello spot precedente non l’ho trovata da nessuna parte). Ho trovato solo questo:
È evidente la differenza nelle valorizzazioni. Il secondo, tradizionale, esalta l’uscita (in un altro spot della stessa serie invece che essere a ristorante, siamo in pub-discoteca, ma cambia poco). Di nuovo i valori sono il divertirsi, il fare amicizie, l’uscire, l’essere popolare, l’essere apprezzato. Non si mette davvero in valore la coppia, anzi la si stereotipa, a mezzo tra un romanzetto di Rosamunde Pilcher e Sophie Kinsella. Niente di male, eh! Adoro i polpettoni romantici e la verve dei romanzi per single, ma… è una pubblicità che sembra soprattutto mirata alle ragazze, che però veicola quasi un punto di vista maschile: la ragazza rimorchiata al pub, o portata al ristorante come faceva mio nonno. Quasi… una cosa patriarcale. Esaltazione dei valori di famiglia. Insomma, è una pubblicità vecchia, non c’è che dire e veicola valori vecchi.
Lo spot francese invece… è incentrato sull’individuo (davvero bizarro il contrasto, perché, la Francia ha avuto il più alto tasso di natalità l’anno scorso, si sposano e procreano come conigli e danno davvero molta importanza alla famiglia, molto di più di quanta ne diamo noi o molto di più di quanta diamo sfoggio di darne). Il soggetto è una ragazza. Sola. Triste. Che fa di tutto per realizzarsi e non ci riesce e non si vergogna a rivolgersi a un sito web per… cambiare questa sofferenza. È una ragazza “al naturale”, come noi, semplice e che forse crede ancora al grande amore, perché, diciamocelo, se cerchiamo l’anima gemella, in fondo in fondo al grande amore nessuno rinuncia mai. Ci parla come se fosse quasi a una seduta dallo psicanalista. È una ragazza “turbata”, si vede e non si vergogna di ammetterlo, perché ci dice subito che non riesce a trovare un fidanzato o un amico con cui passare le sue giornate.
I valori non sono più quelli della conquista al maschile, ma sono quelli della condivisione. Ci sentiamo soli e internet ci viene in soccorso, riduce le distanze, meetic ci aiuta. La pubblicità configura meetic quasi come un servizio di pubblica utilità. Un telefono amico. Ti senti sola? Connettiti su meetic! Non bisogna, tra l’altro, nemmeno dimenticare che la Francia ha il più alto tasso di suicidi al nord.
Insomma… è uno spot eccezionale. Lo vedo giorno dopo giorno e giorno dopo giorno… ho voglia di incontrarla questa ragazza!
Morale, sull’onda dell’ “ho abboccato a una pubblicità” ho fatto il test e questi i risultati:
As someone with moderate self-confidence, you generally feel comfortable interacting with other people. In particular, you find the company of friends comforting and occasionally enjoy meeting new people. You tend to be relaxed in groups, which makes people around you relaxed too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as friendly.
Your social confidence also spills into your personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, you tend to acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. However, you sometime regret things you’ve done or said in the past, and occasionally get embarrassed by these things.
When it comes to your professional life, you tend to set moderate to high standards for yourself. Your work performance should provide ample evidence for this. With this and your sociability, friends and colleagues tend to see you as someone who can provide sound advice.
As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don’t have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood.
You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants.
What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.
The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.
As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.
Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.
As someone high in openness, you have a strong appreciation for beauty, both in art and nature. Indeed, it’s likely that you are easily absorbed in music and art, as well as natural phenomena. Another aspect of your openness is your emotional insight; that is, you probably have good access to and awareness of your own emotions.
Another aspect of the openness dimension is the tendency to think about abstract concepts and ideas. This thinking style may take the form of artistic and metaphorical use of language, and/or music composition or performance. Thus, it is likely that, either in your work or spare time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing.
Your tendency to be open-minded can have advantages and disadvantages. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easier for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. In contrast, you may be bored easily in situations that lack high amounts of intellectual stimulation. In such cases, you might have difficulty excelling on projects that do not provide much stimulation or require much creative thinking.
Easygoingness refers to one’s ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to work very hard and accomplish a great deal. The benefits of being low in easygoingness are that you achieve high levels of success through deliberate planning, persistence, and hard work. Your colleagues and friends also likely consider you as intelligent and reliable.
However, your strong work ethic may lead others to perceive you as a perfectionist. This could produce stress in a few ways. For example, you may find it difficult to continually accomplish the high standards that you set for yourself and people you work with might find it overwhelming. In this way, being low in easygoingness can make both your life and the lives of the people around you difficult. Being very conscientious may also make it difficult for you to sit back and just relax because you may be too preoccupied with work-related issues.
Low easygoingness may diminish the quality of your social relationships too. Your propensity to work very hard and for long hours may make it difficult for you to attend to other aspects of life where there are no real goals to accomplish. Nevertheless, you will likely never be criticized for being unreliable or unable to follow instructions. Yet, you might find yourself feeling burned out from too much work.
How does your personality affect your love life?
Your social competence and charm make it easy for you to get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. This should work to your advantage in your romantic life. Your social skills should help make for a pleasant first date by alleviating any nervousness that your partner might have. Over time, the realistic standards that you tend to set for yourself could work well with your partner. That is, by setting realistic goals for yourself and your relationships, your partners should feel less pressure to be someone that they are not.
Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it’s likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life.
Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family. On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.
As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you likely get along with most people quite well. Chances are that your friends and colleagues perceive you as lively, fun to be with, and good-humored. When it comes to romance, you’ll likely be attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling.
Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people that cannot appreciate diversity as much as you. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share your open-mindedness. But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique.
As someone who is very hard working, you may find it difficult to get along well with everybody, especially people that don’t share your work ethic. Therefore, when it comes to romance, you’ll likely be most attracted to people that share your strong work ethic and derive as much satisfaction from work as you do.
Per finire ti danno anche il risultato del tipo di persona che cerchi e una serie di domande che dovresti fare a un “potenziale candidato” per assicurarti che risponda alle tue esigenze (sembrano davvero le domande di uno psicanalista, sfido chiunque a farle, dal nulla, senza rendersi ridicolo!), però… è stato divertente, tutto sommato, dai!
Relationship Needs Assessments Results:
|This assessment determines what you need in a relationship across nine key factors:
Your report gives you valuable feedback on each of these factors in several special ways. Based on your unique answer patterns, you first receive a synopsis of what you need in a relationship on each factor. To help you address these issues in actual practice, your report also contains a customized set of questions for you to consider asking or exploring with potential dating partners to determine the degree to which a person may meet those unique needs. In other words, you have guidance for understanding and exploring what it takes for someone to be “relationship material” with you.
Finally, the assessment reveals any specific issues that you seemed especially to under-value or over-value. These are likes and dislikes that are often hidden from your awareness, but they can strongly affect your relationship decisions. Enjoy your report, contemplate the information and insights it provides and good luck in applying the results here at the Plenty of Fish community!
|InterdependenceInterdependence refers to how much you need dependency or a “couple identity” with your partner. You are highly interdependent in relationships. This means that you desire – and perhaps even demand – a substantial degree of physical and emotional connection with a partner and other loved ones. Those connections and interactions can be frequent and superficial or they can be deep and meaningful. And you are probably attracted quickly to someone who you can deeply respect and even emulate to a degree. In fact, it is typical for a person in this score range to consider how a particular romantic partner might reflect on his/her own family and friends. All of this does not mean that you do not need personal space now and then; nearly everyone values being unique and different from others in some respects. However, people in this range draw considerable strength, comfort and sense of identity from close relationships. You like to know about virtually all aspects of your partner’s life. Thus, when you feel close to someone this person becomes an extremely important part of who you are on the inside and outside. You probably prefer that you and your partner’s recreational activities be shared together since you like having your partner physically close and desire showing off your “couplehood” in public. Bottom line: you need someone who responds to the fact that you enjoy the reassurance of physical contact and emotional sharing, but who helps keeps dependency in check in the relationship so that you two do not lose your identities as individuals and whose character is deserving of your loyalty and affection.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “interdependency” needs with potential partners:”What degree of possessiveness do you think is healthy in a relationship?”"Tell me all about your philosophy or view on PDAs (‘Public Displays of Affection’) “”On any typical night out with your friends, would you prefer to have your partner there with you or not?”|
|IntimacyIntimacy refers to the how much you need emotional closeness with your partner. You have emotional intimacy to offer a partner – but that intimacy is expected to grow gradually over time. People in this scoring range are open with a partner when it comes to lessons learned from past experiences and relationships. You long for emotional closeness and security with a special person. In fact, you probably would feel uncomfortable if there were serious secrets kept from your partner. You likely see a partner as a best friend and your foremost confidant. There is likely no hesitation discussing current problems or concerns with that person. It also seems that you have realistic expectations for a committed relationship. However, you are acutely aware of the risks that come with intimacy. You may find yourself frequently wondering whether your devotion and adoration will be reciprocated or whether your partner’s feelings will change. For this reason, people in this scoring range frequently neither lower their guard completely nor allow themselves to be fully emotional vulnerable. Bottom line: you need someone who will understand and accept a slow pace for emotional intimacy with you and provide frequent reassurance of their feelings and intentions as the relationship is taken to progressive levels.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “intimacy” needs with potential partners:”What levels of self-disclosure have occurred at various stages of your past relationships? – and if you could do any of it over, what would you do?”"How often do you have the experience of meeting someone and trusting them so completely that you share just about everything about yourself at the first meeting?”"What kind of reassurance and feedback do you like to give and receive in a relationship?”|
|Self-efficacySelf-Efficacy refers to your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation. People at your scoring level feel assertive and expressive most of the time and strive to maintain a positive attitude. You likely find that having plans and structured goals help motivates and guides your personal and professional development. Many people in this scoring range are visionary in their ambitions, but they can be highly self critical. Indeed, you are likely to be acutely aware of your own strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, it probably helps for you to hear praise and recognition, as well as have measurable goals and benchmarks in order to feel competent in your decisions and actions and to achieve a strong sense of accomplishment. Bottom line: you need someone who is extremely supportive of your goals by showing patience and a positive outlook and who also frequently acknowledges and praises your small and large accomplishments.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “self-efficacy” needs with potential partners:”Do people need to fish for compliments from you, or are you the kind of person who frequently gives spontaneous acknowledgements and praise to others?”"What are the most important responsibilities in a friendship?”"Do you think success in life is largely a matter of good organization or largely a matter of luck?”|
|Relationship readinessRelationship Readiness refers to how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship. In some ways, you may not be fully ready for a committed relationship. You seem to feel a fair degree of comfort and grounding in your life right now. In fact, most people in this range have a clear vision and a sense of purpose for their life. They also feel in control, but sometimes that sense of control can be fleeting or a false sense of security. For example, it is often the case that people in this scoring range need to address unresolved issues that can interfere with them having the life and relationship they want. These could be financial or legal issues or even physical, emotional or health issues. It may also be the case that you are seeking a relationship primarily to fill a void in your life or to gain a feeling of acceptance and belonging that was weakened or lost due to other relationships that ended or disappointed you. Bottom line: you need someone who will be patient and supportive as you figure out your needs rather than who will rush the relationship prematurely.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “relationship readiness” needs with potential partners:”Responding candidly, what are your strengths and weaknesses as a friend?”"What are the most important responsibilities you have to a romantic partner?”"Do you feel offended or rejected when a partner asks for time, space or privacy to take care of some personal business?”|
|CommunicationCommunication refers to your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence. Effective communicators have strong emotional intelligence, and you seem to have an excellent level of emotional intelligence. It is expected that you show considerable tolerance of ambiguity and emotional expression. You have the capacity for being extremely sensitive to other’s feelings and to their body language. Those who know you well would probably describe you as patient and eager to listen to others. People in this scoring range are also not afraid of making or admitting to mistakes. They consistently and bravely show vulnerability to others. In fact, they are keenly aware how their behavior impacts others. You can communicate your needs and feelings honestly when someone engages you directly, but you may not always take the initiative to be assertive with others. In this sense, it is likely that you seek to understand others, rather than seek for others to understand you. Bottom line: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you intimately and candidly.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “communication” needs with potential partners:”Do you ever feel afraid that once a romantic partner gets to know you really well, that s/he will like who you really are or will think less of you?”"Do you find it difficult to trust a romantic partner completely? Explain”"Would you feel uncomfortable telling your partner about things in the past of which you felt ashamed?”|
|Conflict resolutionConflict Resolution refers to your stress management and problem solving skills. Effective conflict resolution has nine general elements: View Conflict as Positive; Address Conflict in the Proper Atmosphere; Clarify Perceptions; Note Needs, not wants; Draw on the Power of a Positive Partnership; Focus on the Future, then learn from the past; Identify Options for Mutual Gain; Develop ‘Doables’ or stepping stones to action; and Make Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. Your score indicates that you are fairly strong on all of these basic elements, except for Making Mutually-Beneficial Agreements. This suggests that you are very flexible and action-oriented when addressing problems, yet not so eager to find resolution that you settle for quick, temporary agreements. Settling on a temporary agreement is often a way of avoiding conflict, and it can lead to needs not being met. You do not seem to avoid conflict; instead you appear to evaluate the possible solutions and then actively engage your partner to work on a positive outcome for the relationship. Bottom line: you need someone who will join you in taking time to find a complete and genuine resolution to issues as opposed to avoiding conflict by settling for quick, temporary agreements.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “conflict resolution” needs with potential partners:”Would you say that you have a hard time accepting that some mysteries in life just can not be solved? Explain”"Does it help you to solve problems by thinking of your own past experiences and knowledge in new ways?”"In your experience, does knowing too much about a problem hinder or help you resolve it?”|
|SexualitySexuality refers to your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy. Scientific models of love and attachment always include physical chemistry and sexuality. It is a crucial topic for any couple to address, because it involves issues of control and vulnerability. People at your scoring level have a fairly good sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. In fact, people in this range are characterized sexually as liking the focus on themselves and maintaining control. This does not mean that you are not concerned with satisfying your partner; indeed you can be quite passionate. It simply means that you probably put your own sexual needs first more often than not. Those sexual needs are perhaps best described as fairly conservative compared to most other people, yet you are no prude. You are confident in your own sexual ability and are likely open to try various activities as long as they sound appealing to you. Therefore, you may be less inclined to new experiences if they are only intended to please your partner. You tend to be open when talking to your partner about your needs, and you certainly tend not to be self conscious in the bedroom itself. For people in this range, sex can be casual, but they strive for it to be always fun and romantic. Bottom line: you need someone who sees sex as romantic and fun and especially who will like to be submissive to your sexual desires.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “sexual” needs with potential partners:”Do you think you have a stronger sex drive than most people?”"Where do you think most of your ideas and values about sex originated?”"If you felt safe, do you think you would do almost anything to please your partner sexually?”|
|Attitudes toward loveAttitudes Toward Love refers to your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love. There are two main types of love – Romantic Love and Companionate Love. Romantic Love is passionate, emotional and intense, whereas Companionate Love is a deep, affectionate attachment. People feel these two types of loves to different degrees in a relationship, and the levels of each can fluctuate over time. You scored as someone who may be best described as “a “hopeless romantic on the inside and a realist on the outside.” This means that you value very highly both the safety, security and comfort of Companionate Love and the excitement and passion of Romantic Love. You desire someone who is on the same wavelength as you -sharing similar attitudes, moods and impulses. You are a clearly a hybrid, and someone who probably views love as a transcendent thing. That is, you regard true love as a precious and rare state that must be nurtured to grow and thrive. Most people in this scoring range believe that a passionate sex life is not the most important factor in a stable and satisfying relationship. Rather, a relationship must be nurtured with acceptance and compete connectedness with a partner – a couple building and possessively protecting their “own world.” Bottom line: You need someone whose highest priority is your relationship and is willing to do the hard work to keep a transcendent level of love alive in the relationship.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “love attitude” needs with potential partners:”If a partner professed that s/he would do almost anything for you, would you see that as healthy or unhealthy love?”"When you are separated from a partner, does the rest of the world often seem dull and unsatisfying?”"Do you think that a person must have great confidence in his/her partner’s judgment in order for the relationship to work?”|
|Preferred Expressions of Affection|
|Preferred Expressions of Affection refers to your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion. There are many ways in which people show affection to their loved ones: physical touch, doing favors, spending time together, giving gifts or communicating love through words. Statistically, you gave higher weighted ratings to Gifts. Bottom line: You need someone who can express affection through tangible surprises – such as fun gifts s/he makes, souvenirs purchased on business trips or beautiful tokens or presents that show s/he remembers and celebrates special occasions.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:”Is it more like you to surprise a partner with single, extravagant gifts or shower the person with little gifts or surprises here and there?”"Is it difficult for you to come up with personalized gift ideas for loved ones?”"Do you think giving gifts is really just an attempt to buy someone’s affection?”|
|Out of the various modes of expressing affection, Physical Touch received lower weighted ratings from you. Bottom line: This does not necessarily mean that you neither like nor need to be touched. Rather, it suggests that you need someone who can show affection in ways other than just physical contact – such as frequent tickles, constantly holding hands, public hugs and kisses or light touches as s/he passes by.Next, PlentyofFish presents some customized probing questions to use “as is” or as inspiration to develop your own to help you explore your “affection” needs with potential partners:”How do you flirt physically with a partner and how often do you like to?”"Do you like to act like a kid and playfully wrestle or have a tickle or pillow fight with a partner?”"How comfortable are you with PDAs (Public Displays of Affection) and which kinds?”|
|AboutThis test was created by the world’s foremost team of academic psychologists who specialize in personality testing, To read more about our assessment check out our FAQ page.|
Quite impressive, ah?
Mi ha un po’ lasciato basita, più che altro perché analizza cose che spesso io non mi sono nemmeno soffermata a pensare di me. Interessante, in ogni caso. Penso che tutti nella vita dovrebbero fare un test psicologico ogni tanto, è quasi meglio dell’oroscopo di Paolo Fox!
Buona… riflessione sui perché della vita!